Mindful Gaming: Gaming has made me a better person
One of the things I’m learning, and I say it at the start of all my videos, is how to be a better person. If you know anything about me, you know that personal development and growth with a focus on empathy is really important to me. To this end, I consciously and unconsciously look for areas I can learn from everywhere. Tabletops have been one of those unconscious things. I started playing just because it was fun, and I still do that but I realize now that I get so much learning about human behavior through the interactions at the table - what makes people feel empowered, what makes people feel validated, and conversely, what makes people feel dismissed and rejected.
I want to share with you some of the specific things I’ve learned. There are intersectional pieces about race and gender but to keep this video focussed on human behaviour, I’m not going to be speaking to those here. I want to caveat- I’m not NOT talking about them here because they are unimportant or less important than what I’m saying here, but rather they are more important and significantly bigger topics that deserve intentionality separately.
So, in addition to racial and gender issues, and the importance of making sure people are seen and validated through those lenses, what else have I learned? Well, broadly, that games are not just a great way to have fun, they can also provide a safe space to learn about ourselves and how we connect with others. There are 3 specific things I want to talk about.
The importance of increasing your knowledge
I’ve found that the most effective thing you can do as a player or as a GM is… anything. Do something. Doesn’t really matter what just do something.
But like - those are tremendously vague and useless sentences unless you know the parameters of what you can do. And to that point, you need to understand the basic format of play and the context of the world you’re in, at the very least. Knowing even just this allows you to make basic decisions.
But the more you learn - what abilities does your character have? How are they used? Why would you use this ability instead of that ability? - now you can do more complex problem-solving and reasoning because you have a larger base to work from. If you only know that first part - the format of play and a little bit about the world - how can you make decisions about this other stuff?
And then, that can go further too. Ok my character has abilities but they are based on these modifiers and skills. Is there a way for me to enhance that?
And then one level up from that - Ok, my character has certain skills, how does this game expect me to most effectively use them?
The two important things here are that there is always something more to learn, and that even if you are at 100 of the previous knowledge level, when you learn something new, you are at 1 again. So putting your ego aside and understanding that not knowing everything right now is not a liability or a reason to get defensive, despite what your brain tries to tell you - it’s an opportunity for you to become better and know more.
So everything you learn is just a stepping stone to the next thing you learn. And this all doesn’t have to happen in a vacuum - there are tons of people around you who would be more than happy to be generous with their knowledge. Maybe you’ve had a bad experience with someone about seeking information from them before but I promise they are the exception, not the rule. People who are truly passionate and thoughtful will be delighted that they get to share some of that with you. You just have to put your ego aside and look around and ask, because the more you know, the more effective you can be.
My real-life takeaway: You won’t and shouldn't ever stop learning, put your ego aside because you are only ever at level 1 of this next stage, and there are always folks around who will share knowledge and experience if asked.
The importance of responding to other people’s priorities
So this is something that’s more aspirational, I think. Certainly it’s something I aspire to.
Because of the nature of the game, tabletops are really not a place where you can solo the game - unless of course you’re playing a solo rpg but we’re obviously not talking about that. Like in a standard 4-6 person with a GM game, you can’t really get much done by yourself. You have to work with the other people at the table in some capacity.
Even in more traditionally-approached games, where the idea is not really the narrative but all getting through a dungeon together or whatever, the best way to be successful is to make sure everyone is able to do their things most effectively. In narrative-heavy games, you look for ways to draw other people into your story - or involve yourself in theirs. And in most games, which are a mix of both, you’re doing both. And probably not every player is doing this, but GMs and players, when you think about truely fantastic players, they are the ones that are constantly enabling success for the other players at the table, either through RP or strategic combat decisions or both.
And as you are understanding their priorities and goals, you also understand their perspective and where they are coming from. You are actively understanding and responding to another character’s goals, expectations, flaws, while also at the same time making sure they have space to have their own experiences and tell their own stories. That could mean being kind of a foil for them to play off of, it could mean giving them a really hefty RP scene, or it could be just being quiet or average to balance out the group. You’ll know what’s right once you understand their perspectives. That’s empathy and compassion. And the thing that learning about this in games specifically allows is the ability to practice. Practice understanding character’s drives. Practice prioritizing other characters’ goals. Practice so you can train yourself on this in a low-stakes environment, from which you can go into the world.
My real life takeaway: Accept that other people have needs and you need to prioritize them in order to be truely empathetic and compassionate.
The importance of consent and being able to say No
This one is going to be a short one - not because it’s less important, but because I already have two videos about consent and support tools. I’m going to link them in the description for folks to check out.
I realized that sometimes, in some games, people want to use games to explore emotional topics but they don’t really know how to do that with sensitivity. This is where consent and support tools come in. They can help create a space where there is acknowledgement from everyone that you’re on the same page and you’re going to do as much as you can to reduce the emotional bleed of the story so that the experiences your characters are going through are separated from you, the player.
And having support tools in place lets everyone know they are not alone in having boundaries or things they just don’t want to play. Everyone has boundaries. They are not the only one.
I also found this is highly important in online play because it may be harder to read body language, facial cues, or other indicators of discomfort/stress when you’re not playing in the same space.
And I’ve said this before but somewhat paradoxically, the easier it is for someone to say no, the more comfortable they’ll feel expanding their boundaries with you because they trust you to keep their security and sense of integrity whole even through difficult things. Creating this kind of environment can lead to some incredible RP and gameplay.
My real-life takeaway is that: The sense of security people feel in any environment is often the most important thing in any space, and enabling that for them can lead to some pretty incredible things. Seeking consent is a good way to enable that.
So that’s what I wanted to cover today.
There are other things of course, but these are the things I wanted to really talk about to keep it succinct to the most important things. Things I learn and use extensively in gaming that I find translates exceptionally usefully to real life.
